Love in the first wave

2009-10-23 09:27
In light of the good and bad  events that plaque this world we live in
I have lost a lot of belief in things over the years . I have come to
except things I never thought I could , and have all but left out the
things I hold dearest to me .
I know that I can do better , but the strength needed to accomplish
the task that lays ahead of me , just isnt there . I have felt very
dead , not alive in any way until I saw you .
I felt something stir deep inside that I thought had long left me .
I was so confused as to why I felt this way about you and was
unsure that these feelings even belonged to me . You see it is unlike me
in many ways to act in such a manner whenever I did a simple thing as write to you .
The way my heart would flutter and I would get so nervous as I tried to think of what
to say  even if I just saw your picture . Or ache as if it
wanted to leave my body when ever I missed a day seeing your face .
I feel so childish , scared and angry at myself for having such
feelings toward a person I have never met face to face  .
I do not understand what it is that causes me to have an attachment such
as this , or why I am unable to shake it off as I have done many times before
to those I was infatuated by , or had a crush for .
I feel as though if I could be in your arms  only for a moment I would be
able to tell if they are real or not  .
Even if it is just long enough to see if  being
with you would satisfy and releive the pain in my heart .
These feelings in my heart  , that have me believing that are my soulmate
and I want to spend the rest of my life with you
are the same feelings that know some of your downfalls and
faults to which I gladly except  and make me wish I was there to hold and comfort you when
you are angry or feel like the world is crashing down on you .
I know what I feel for you
I know how I feel when I can not see you even for a day
I know that if given the chance I would show you unconditional
unfaultered , unmatched if only by god , love in the first wave .
I know all these ......
what I do not know is
why these feelings
why for you
why nothing else can satisfy me
why I was not placed closer to you
Why ......
I do not care that I don't know the answers......
only that I have such deep rooted feelings for you to the point it hurts
tagsLove  wave  first 
685 times read | 8 .comments

foot step

  • filly
    filly 2009-10-23 12:33
    i understand you so...
    you like him so much that you don't know how you wish him.
    if you don't see him, you are strong and brave.
    but if you see him you shake,you don't know what happend to the feelings that   you have in his absence...
  • fantasyfan
    fantasyfan 2009-10-24 14:34
    yes , and it makes me sad that I don't know why I have these type feelings . if they are just my crush , I dont mind , but to want someone that bad , that it makes your heart hurt not to see or have him ? what to do what to do  so sad at times for me .
  • filly
    filly 2009-10-26 06:47
    ohhh anything!just dont live me in this agony...okay!
    sorry...i missed u on msn...then ill tell u why!
    i know...what great friend i am! and u needing me...i didnt know im useless
    but u know something? even in pain n rapped in a cloud of of can u look so gorjeous????^^
    ps: i think i know why i cant find u on utube,try to go to ur settings and see if u can be seen world wide plz...then tell me n i try again...c u soon n sooo u!
                                       @-->-->-->    for u
  • fantasyfan
    fantasyfan 2009-10-27 12:28
    filly: anything!just dont live me in this agony...okay!sorry...i missed u on msn...then ill tell u why!i know...wha
    Haha! thats why I love you  
    so understanding good friend! and you have good taste in hats  . ok will try again for you-tube , did you change your channel name from gyspykween? if so let me know and I will try to find you also =)
    thanks luv and talk to you soon , no worries on msn , we will get to talk soon =)
  • evanovich
    evanovich 2009-10-28 07:23
    OK nice
    filly told me to read it
    i like it
    BUT my question is :
    is it a accepted for guys to feel the same way you described
    i mean i try to hide it all the time ,
    but that day at the university a girl ,freind of mine told me that i am soft hearted despite my look ( i look like people from TNA wrestling )
    in my belive i dont find it accepted for guys to feel that( week, fragile,UNABLE to do somthing about it)  , is it against being a man or is it being a man ??
    "for what is a man , what has he got ? if not himself them he has non" elvis .
  • fantasyfan
    fantasyfan 2009-10-28 15:22
    evanovich: OK nice
    filly told me to read it
    i like it
    BUT my question is :
    is it a accepted for guys to feel the same way you described
    i mean i try to hide i
    emotions are not set to a specific gender . Most men do not like to feel that way because they feel it makes them weak , or insuperior which is why most men have problems showing their true feelings . I do not believe that showing those types of feelings makes anyone weak . it shows you are human and have a heart. looks do not matter either . You can take the toughest looking person  and find a weakness . You can also find that people that look weak , are stronger then you know . it is our weaknesses that give us strength and there are emotions that are uncontrolable . I think I feel this way because there is some kind of connection that I have with this guy , maybe even on a level I nor any other human can comprehend . I feel that we as humans are not living the way we were meant to live and so we never learned the right way were these things come from . There are such things as infactuation , or crushes  that we get emotional from , but they are usually short lived or forgotten to a certain extent . The ones that go on for longer periods of time are something more  . There is nothing wrong with being soft hearted . Guys can have the same feelings as girls and still remain men .
    to me a  man is :
    A male that excepts the fact that   emotions are only the material that went into building him , but showing these emotions is what makes his foundation stronger . Without them he will fall ......
  • filly
    filly 2009-10-29 10:59
    fantasyfan: Haha! thats why I love you  
    so understanding good friend! and you have good taste in hats  . ok will try again for you-tube , did you change your cha
    just hope ur ok...but dont tell me im here all worried and u were actually chating with the hunk from indonesia!!
    my channel is: thegypsykueen, find me please!
    yeah..we MUST talk soon tooooooooo much to tell ya!
    my luv too
  • consciouscradle
    consciouscradle 2009-11-03 02:16
    heey Kenyaa i belive this  is the hidden feeling that u seem to posess...... read the person and one day say it straight to him(if  it exist) nature is great and gives every one a chanceu know we have a saying these days "IF opportunity dosen't knock then make a door" and u should make a door now

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